Here's an ad I came across while waiting for the lift and this is what it advocates:

"Ini Sarah, remaja 16 tahun yang belum berkahwin tetapi sudah mengandung.  

Hmmm, kalaulah Sarah tahu untuk menolak. Apa kata kita bantu Sarah dari mula?  

9 bulan yang lepas, Sarah seperti remaja yang lain gemar bersosial dan mempunyai ramai kawan. Disebabkan perwatakannya yang menarik ramai yang meminati Sarah. Ada yang memang ikhlas untuk berkawan dan tidak kurang juga yang mahu mengambil kesempatan. Kebanyakannya lelaki tetapi ada juga perempuan. Sarah sering berhadapan dengan pujuk rayu dan kata-kata manis. Ada yang memberi isyarat dan ada yang berterus-terang. Semuanya menjurus ke arah hubungan seksual dan Sarah mula keliru dan berasa serba salah.  

Tahukah anda risiko yang bakal dihadapi oleh Sarah sekiranya dia termakan dengan semua pujuk rayu ini? Pertama, Sarah boleh ditempatkan di pusat pemulihan. Kedua, risiko kehamilan yang dihadapi oleh Sarah adalah empat kali ganda lebih besar dan ketiga, Sarah boleh terdedah kepada HIV dan juga risiko jangkitan kelamin seperti Sifilis dan Gonorrhea. Sarah perlu mengelakkan diri daripada menghadapi semua ini.  

Untuk itu, dia perlu tahu tentang 3 tahap risiko yang perlu dihindari yang dikenali sebagai: (i) tiada risiko - iaitu perlakuan bersendiri seperti berangan-angan dan beronani di mana ia tidak mendatangkan sebarang risiko HIV; (ii) risiko rendah - iaitu perlakuan berisiko rendah seperti "french kissing" dan beronani sesama pasangan; dan (iii) risiko tinggi - iaitu perlakuan berisiko seperti seks faraj, dubur dan oral. 

 
Kita semua tahu bahawa perkara yang besar bermula dari yang kecil. Sekiranya Sarah tahu tentang semua peringkat tingkah laku berisiko ini, semestinya dia tidak akan mencuba walaupun ianya hanya adalah hanya suatu tingkah laku lampu hijau yang tidak berisiko kerana di akhirnya ia akan mengundang kepada tingkah laku lampu merah yang sangat berrisko sepeti aktiviti seks luar nikah. 
Mengikut kajian daripada pelbagai sumber, penglibatan remaja dalam aktiviti seks luar nikah di Malaysia semakin meningkat saban tahun. 

Sarah harus tahu semua ini supaya dirinya tidak termasuk di dalam statistik kes kehamilan remaja. 

Tahukan anda, bahawa secara puratanya terdapat 18 ribu kes baru kehamilan remaja yang berdaftar dengan Fasiliti Kementarian Kesihatan Malaysia ("KKM") setiap tahun dari tahun 2011 hingga tahun 2013?  

Ya, ia umpama jumlah pelajar untuk 18 buah sekolah dan ia terus bertambah setiap tahun.

Sarah tdak perlu mengulangi kesilapan yang sama pada masa akan datang. Sarah sudah tahu akan risikonya dan Sarah tahu semua tingkah laku yang berisiko. Sebaiknya, Sarah perlu berani menolak, menahan diri, dan bertegas untuk mengatakan tidak kepada perlakuan-perlakuan berisko. 

Ini Sarah, remaja 16 tahun yang bertanggungjawab akan sebarang tingkah laku yang dipilih." 


While the ad aims to educate, the POV taken was sending all the wrong messages, and worse still, reinforcing gender stereotypes.

By targeting only women, the ad tells women that we call all the shots, we have all the say, we bear all the risks, and therefore, we ought to shoulder full responsibility. Therefore, even if sex really is a mutual act, women will always be at fault for letting it happen.

When the ad portrays men as perverts with little or no control over themselves and women as victims, it tells men that their behavior (which really is a result of social conditioning) is biological, inherent and further acceptable. They ought to behave that way, and if things get out of hand, it cannot be helped. Or at least, they're biologically speaking not in a position to do anything about it.

Even if assuming, that the ad's POV can be justified on the basis that it is enough to get one of the two (in this case, women) to say "no" to the act, because it takes two to tango, the ad would have been more egalitarian if it advocates abstinence as the responsibility of both men and women, and not women per se. After all, the reality is, the consequences do affect both men and women equally, save for the fact that only women can bear children.

What the ad should have done is to encourage the sharing of equal responsibilities by both men and women when it comes to sex, contraception, and children, and by addressing what both men and women can do to help eradicate unwanted consequences.

A while back, I had this dream of me dancing some fancy ballroom dance. Guess what? My dream came to life! Pretty surreal and creepy, I know. Happened to me a couple of times before. 

So at our firm's Christmas and Year End Luncheon, my colleagues and I had to Latin dance to PussyCat Doll's rendition of Sway, and according to the guests, we did a pretty good job.   

Here are more pictures of what went down on that day:

And with that I wish you a Merry Christmas and a very very very Happy 2016!

also... Happy Holidays!!!

:) 

News:

http://www.thestar.com.my/news/world/2015/12/16/saudi-millionaire-cleared-of-rape-after-claiming-he-fell-and-accidentally-penetrated-teenager/

So here's my take on the matter.

The girl who cried rape shouldn't have gone to the man's apartment in the first place. Now, that is not to say that every time a woman enters a man's den, she's deemed to have consented to anything and everything. She hasn't. And he's got no right over her, whatsoever.

But when it comes to proving rape, and in a situation such as this, it's his words against hers! And the benefit of doubt must be given to the man, because, after all, why sleep over at a man's place in the hope that nothing will happen when there is no way anyone can be sure of that?

Ladies, I think the lesson to take away is this. If it's a "No!", it has to be an unequivocal, absolute, clear, obvious "No!" in words and conduct. There's no having it all. There is no in-betweens.

And, if he's really a gentleman - he'd have gotten you a room, all for yourself.

Just the other day I was having my monthly mood swings and feeling overwhelmingly depressed. I was feeling like bawling into a puddle of tears the whole time.

But I was determined to not let how I feel inside ruin my day, or affect those around me. So I threw on the brightest smile on my face, was witty, and fun.

Later that day, a Bangladeshi waiter came up to my table and said something along the lines of "you look very happy today... Always smiling and laughing... Very nice" coupled with some head-bobbing motion and thumbs up.

I guess I tried too hard looking happy. 

But at that very moment, I realised more than ever that not everything is what it seems to be.

Sometimes we just do not know.

When I started teaching months back, I remember thinking to myself 

"Meh... Kids. How hard can it be?".

Just the other day at lunch, I was asking a female lawyer who's a partner at the firm how she managed to juggle work and her 3 kids at home. She said work is an "escape" because taking care of 3 kids demands the kind of attention and focus that "drains". But kids are the best to be with when they are 5 to 6 years old.

And I couldn't help but say 

"I agree. And I understand..."

Although hanging out with kids can be quite a challenge (they are really like a ball of energy) it does change you as a person and for the better. You feel more light-hearted and see things from a different perspective. You also realise that even as we grow older, we still very much have that little "child" within us. We cry (inside mostly) when our "toys" get broken. We whine "I can't!" when things begin to get too "difficult". And a little encouragement goes a long way in things we do.

Cheers!

A completely unrelated photo, save for the fact that I am donning an AWAM Shirt

Feminism isn't about one gender emulating the other, or otherwise. It is about understanding that we are not defined by our gender. It is about deconstructing this "male" and "female" social construct. We can, and should be able to be whoever and whatever we aspire to be, without being accused of either conforming to or defying our gender. 

Gender, is a social construct. It is plagued with stereotypes. Gender tells you that men are rational and women are emotional. Gender tells you that men are egoistical and women are nurturing. But men can be emotional, and nurturing. And women can be rational and egoistical. They shouldn't be accused of emulating the other gender. They shouldn't be scorned at for not conforming to norms.

We have also our gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, and queer friends, who fall into neither or all of these categories. They too shouldn't be scorned at, simply because they are "different" and impossible to "categorize" (and sometimes to "comprehend").

If there's one thing that set the male apart from female, it's our biological differences. But even that is changing, with science and technology. 

Feminism is about recognizing that equality is possible only when we rid ourselves of stereotypes, and free ourselves from the chains of social construct and norms. 

And also facing the fact that today - the lines are blurred.